When I was writing a weekly column, many moons ago, my editor decided there should be a photo of me included with the byline. I remember him joking about not wanting to receive bills for repairs to the camera. Ho, ho.
A few days later, after the first photo (below) appeared, I was stood in the queue at the local butcher's. An elderly man entered the shop, nodded a greeting, and I acknowledged him. He began to smile, and I noticed that his eyes had started to grow large with excitement. He was definitely about to have a 'eureka' moment. "Hey, Fred," he yelled to the tall, mustachioed man behind the counter, "you know who this chap is, don't you?" Fred looked me up and down and slowly shook his head. The elderly man became more insistent. "He writes for the paper. You know, the Sunday Independent" Fred wore the expression of a man unimpressed, and returned his attention to wrapping my sausages.
I paid up and was about to make my exit, when the elderly man caught my arm. He leaned into me and whispered, "Us scribes should stick together, you know." He turned his head, checking to see who might overhear him, before leaning in closer, "I used to write up silver band events in my younger days." With that, he left without making a purchase and headed off up the road, pushing his bicycle with some urgency.
On the negative side, one of our daughter's teachers - an Alopecia sufferer - took me to task over the first article to carry my mugshot. Poor woman, she accused me of being provocative and hurtful. Perhaps, subconsciously, I had been infected with a touch of the tabloids. You tell me.
'..raw onions and chicken manure..' I bet some of your readers actually tried that remedy.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the great read Martin, I just had an 'alopecia' line in a story I wrote and submitted somewhere, so I am guilty too:) It is a sensitive subject though.
it is a sensitive subject- but judging from your most recent mug shot I'd say you've been aging well without the use of chicken manure (pwew)
ReplyDeleteCheers and Happy New Year!
If I'd gone bald earlier in life I think it would have bothered me. As it was, my younger brother went bald a long time before I did, so I felt okay about it. lol
ReplyDeleteAnd as you point out, Martin, I spend not one penny on hair products or visits to the barber's shop. A quick 'buzz' once a week with the hair clippers and I'm fine. Seriously, I wouldn't want it back. I am old though.
So, was that photo cropped out of sympathy for you, or consideration for your readers?
ReplyDeleteBrigid - I wonder if hair loss in men is as much of an issue, today. So many fellas shave their heads now. On the other hand, I can see how devastating it might be for some. Tricky.
ReplyDeleteKathe W. - Thanks. It's really never bothered me, but I have known men who have gone to extraordinary extremes to cover-up. My barber has some interesting anecdotes. I still pop in occasionally, for a trim and polish.
Paul - I know what you mean about not wanting it back. That would be just too weird, wouldn't it?
Tim - It must have been cropped out sympathy for me. If they'd had any consideration for the readers, they wouldn't have used a photo in the first place.
The cocoanut paragraph made me chuckle!
ReplyDeleteWe like chuckles at Square Sunshine.
DeleteHilarious stuff Martin (esp the 'scribe' at the butchers) - the whole post and seeing your mug shot and column.
ReplyDeleteThanks. The elderly man in question was called Oliver. I never saw him riding that bicycle, only ever pushing it.
DeleteOh my goodness! What a story...and you told it brilliantly!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Betsy. Sometimes the truth really is stranger than fiction.
DeleteLoved the piece! And men who go without a piece!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Susan. I hate cover-ups, too.
DeleteAs a man with a full, luxuriant head of hair, I really wouldn't want to be a 'slaphead'. When I shaved my hair right into the wood some years back, I was horrified to discover that I had a 'baw-heid'. Hair can disguise so many cranial imperfections and facial shortcomings. Besides, I like to feel the wind blowing through my hair; the wind blowing over my hat is not quite so invigorating.
ReplyDeleteI haven't heard the term, 'slaphead' for years. The bottom line is, we are what we are, cranial imperfections and all. Hey, I once looked a bit like you...honestly!
ReplyDeleteI have always thought that a little baldness conveys a seriousness of purpose. My hair (white though it is) is still all over the place conveying little else than the signs of a scattered brain beneath.
ReplyDeleteAlan, we may have just invented Trivial Hirsute.
DeleteMartin : Love it.
ReplyDeleteThought you might.
DeleteWell I couldn’t see anything provocative in your original article. Perhaps the teacher was being a tad sensitive. It seems quite mild journalism compared with some of the really provocative stuff that appears these days. Great story about the shifty hack in the butcher’s.
ReplyDeleteThat's about as provocative as it got, apart from a two page spread I did on unemployment. But that's another post. I was offered work with the Sunday Sport. You'll understand why I didn't have the stomach for it.
DeleteI'm really pleased the sub-editor didn't go for "The Bald Facts". A shining example to us all!
ReplyDeleteI guess he might have changed his mind on reflection?
DeleteI don't think your article was provovative, but I can see how a sensitive soul with alopecia might see it that way...
ReplyDeleteI've been stopped in the street by strangers who recognise me from poetry readings. It is a bit disconcerting....
Juliet, disconcerting is precisely the right word.
DeleteGood post -- good article. I know quite a few men who, once the balding is pronounced, shave their heads -- for some reason it looks just fine.
ReplyDeleteThanks. I'm sure that issues around baldness are as much in the head, as on it.
Delete